Zoomtard

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, 1918-2008.

Your Correspondent, Agrees that “a great writer is, so to speak, a second government in his country”.

When you are on holiday it is hard to keep up with your reading lists. I have no idea what is happening back home or whether Man City have signed an amazing new defensive midfielder and my unread RSS feed is now so long, Google don’t have a number big enough to describe it.

That was a really witty joke for so early in the morning.

Still, through Incident I came across Bechdel’s Law. It operates as follows:

Consider any movie and ask the following questions:

1. Does it have at least two women in it,

2. Who [at some point] talk to each other,

3. About something besides a man.

If you modify the list ever so slightly to increase point three to men, babies and marriage you pretty much rule out all mainstream films. Television is even worse. In a society where feminism is thought of as a 1960s phrenology, a movement that has been shown to be bogus by the passing of time, this observation should wake the readers of Zoomtard up to the objectification of women that is so prevalent we can’t even notice. When something is universally present, it is so much harder to discern.

In the article I link to on Charlie’s Diary he proposes that we should modify our art to ensure that this imbalance is addressed. I don’t think that is a viable response. The creative process can’t be put to the service of some politically correct ideal and still be considered art. You are no longer writing a novel in that case, you are designing political propaganda.

The only way to address the imbalance is to actually deal with the underlying misogyny in society at large that it reflects. It is not the case that movie studios and television networks are staffed by women hating monsters. They are finely calibrated profit machines who know exactly what their audience want. Well, almost exactly.

If this is the way that mainstream media depicts women, then it is reasonable to conclude that in some sense, this is how mainstream society views women. So the solution is to stop being misogynistic. The solution is to put the issue of gender equality back on the cards and back at the forefront of people’s consciousness.

How do we do that? I propose we get a really famous, incredibly hot girl skilled at something like singing or pouting to model a figure hugging t-shirt in fashion magazines with a catchy “Got feminism?” slogan available in the local high-street clothes-mart. I propose Shakira. Consciousness will be raised. Misogyny will end. Feminism will win.

Then you can all come round and thank the man who came up with the plan.

Your Correspondent, Ain’t nothin’ but hoes and tricks

Vancouver is part of the Champions League of cities. Renowned for its diversity, culture, breath-taking location and its distinctive architecture, Van is actually called “the greatest city in the world” on the ad for the local CBC news network. Self praise is no praise. Eh?

The architecture has a distinctly Ilac-Centre feel to it, if you are familiar with that landmark 1980’s Dublin shopping complex. It’s all tinted reflected glass and plastic window frames. It’s very pleasing in a way but Berlin takes it outside and kicks its head in. In fact, a bevvy of European cities take this modern architecture and put it to much better and imaginative use.

Don’t let me give the impression that it isn’t lovely. It just isn’t the best place in the world. I love how many people live in the downtown area. It is remarkably green. A lot of free cultural events happen regularly. There is obviously a global presence with as many different ethnic groups as you’d find on Parnell St. in Dublin.

I haven’t done any science down in the lab to back this up but in my mind I imagine Parnell St to be the most diverse place in the universe.

Vancouver is also astonishingly beautiful. God stepped it up a level when he made this. He had just finished making ginger ale and he thought there was nothing he could do to improve on it. But then he proved himself wrong.

The city is cuddling up to a gigantic bay, with the Pacific Ocean interrupted on the horizon by Vancouver Island, and surrounded by Tolkeinesque peaks. Sometimes you would be driving along a street and look to the left and the view would be so awesome you would just want to sing.

At its best, the city almost improves on the landscape. Most notably with Lions Gate bridge which spans the water between downtown Vancouver and the very expensive real estate of West Vancouver. I had wanted to visit this place ever since I fell in love with the novels of Douglas Coupland back in my early teens and it was a delight to cross it in my freedom wagon.

The bridge was actually built by the Guiness family in the middle 20th Century. That means that it and not I, is actually the most beautiful and impressive thing to ever come out of my hometown, Leixlip.

Four of the five greatest things to come out of Leixlip (Stig is absent).

We drove up to Whistler. It is a prestige ski resort a few hours north of the city where the 2010 Winter Games will be held. The drive up was so spectacular that we all filled in Canadian citizenship application forms in our minds. We even saw a bear. On the road. It was huge. And still a cub.

Yet when we got to Whistler our euphoria drained away immediately. It’s like they took a piece of Alpine heaven and said, “Let’s build the Dundrum shopping centre all over again. But this time, let’s spread it out a whole lot”. It’s a tacky, banal wasteland of consumption for the sake of it. It’s all owned by one company and there is only one option for the visitor: spend.

I am reminded of that Family Guy scene where Michael Eisner warmly invites people to come to Disneyland and then as he drives away shouts, “BRING MONEY!”

Downtown Vancouver doesn’t have many churches or real estate agents. Without Ireland’s two major religions a guy can feel a little bit left out in the cold.

We did however go to a great church where a friend is starting work soon. It was “Pentecostal”, but I didn’t worry them with the idea that clarifying your church as Pentecostal is about as illuminating as saying that it is Christian. Surely every Church is Pentecostal? Eh? Well I didn’t worry them about my nomenclature issues but we did have a great morning hanging out with them.

Your Correspondent, Obsessed with a girl called Lena Penelope

How a cool car makes a guy seem that much cooler.

We’ll be able to say we drove it like we stole it

Your Correspondent, North America makes him loves his Yaris all the more

Allegedly, a pastor in Florida has seen God empower his work to such a degree that around 30 people have come back from the dead. This is just the weirdest claim in a “revival” that is filled to the brim with the actions of a curiously Western Holy Spirit. Gold teeth appear in the mouths of some people, others are encouraged to pray to their finance angels to accrue wealth for them and when “the faith of God” enters a room sometimes healings come violently, miracles pop like popcorn.

Reading the views of people around the web and talking to people who have been in Lakeland FL for this “outpouring”, I am highly sceptical of this televangelist. One night in Belfast I ended up fighting with an old friend because they thought it unholy of me to critique a fellow Christian. It seems that discernment is a sin once the television cameras start to roll.

For those of you who are like me, God TV virgins, it seems this guy has a global pull through digital tv. Yet one more reason for me to implement my one legalism if I plant a church: no member can have God TV or EWTN. TV is for fun and children, this kind of madness is not funny.

So to defend myself against inevitable attacks because I dare criticise another Christian I want to cite three things. Firstly, from my reading of the Scriptures, when the Holy Spirit bares her muscles and really starts to let things “pop”, I would expert the preoccupation of those movements to be based around justice issues. If we see the Spirit of God in the Bible, then the Spirit of God would not tell North Americans to go get more wealth for themselves. He would tell them to start giving their wealth away. He would not affirm them in their consumption. He would forewarn them that of the woe that those of us who pile house onto house may face. The Spirit that Bentley pours out simply doesn’t seem to share the concerns of the Spirit as I see it in the words of Isaiah or Hosea or Jesus.

Secondly, in the Creeds we say that we look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. That will come at the end of the age when Jesus returns. Why is God resurrecting people before the “man comes around“? It seems to me to be a pretty basic error to think of resurrection as a holy word for resuscitation. Jesus didn’t “come back from the dead”. As NT Wright is fond of saying, resurrection means that Jesus came back from after the afterlife. If these men are being resurrected, as against say, getting a holy kiss (of life), then they have gone on to wherever it is we go and come back again. If this is happening, people, shit is hitting the fan in a way we can’t hope to anticipate and you all better repent and believe. Not just hold off until the tumours show up.

Before you convert though, if this is happening, Bentley and co. better explain biblically why this Resurrection deal is happening now.

Finally and most conclusively, if I am ever raised from the dead you can be damned sure that the guy who does it won’t be able to go anywhere without me by his side to verify his testimony. Plus, my doctors will be with me. And my undertaker. And you guys who were planning to come to my funeral. If I was raised from the dead you can be damned sure I wouldn’t go back to fixing the photocopier and getting Rev. Dr. McCrory his coffee in the morning. I’d be following the miracle man around to testify.

Where are the resurrected witnesses and their medical staff?

This final point is the most important for me. You don’t have to be a Christian to see it and you don’t have to share my theological convictions if you are a Christian to see it. Christians should aspire to be above reproach in everything we do. If you claim to be friends with the Creator of the Universe and hang with his Son your Saviour then you better be ready for scrutiny. Cos that is a bold claim. Transparency in financial dealings, sexual relations or miraculous healings is the least that people can expect from Christians. Total and absolute transparency.

I am sick to my teeth of amazing healing pastors who have “their people” investigating the miracles. After the fact. If MCC ever sees a healing like this you can be damned sure that we will be making every x-ray and every report from every doctor we can find available as soon as we can. We’ll buy freaking camcorders to keep a historical record alive of the healing process. We’ll invite Richard Dawkins himself to come read the files. Why would we expect you to believe that God only works if we shut our eyes?

There are Christians who are superstitious disciples. We all have experience of them. I am very much a substitious disciple. I am too slow to believe. I wouldn’t mind naming my son Thomas. But when it comes to the kind of claims emanating from Florida this is the right course of action. The church needs to hold each other to account. If these things are happening, then allow the full rigour of examination available to inspect the claims. God won’t withdraw the blessing because we use our faculties.

The idea that “someone can get a new spinal cord” but we can’t get proof is a scandal. It is, I am afraid, the action of a charlatan. I of course have not visited Lakeland but friends have. From what I hear, Jesus is rarely mentioned and the Bible is not preached. But aside from that, to which I cannot much speak, the lack of response offered to these three points reminds me again that Christianity can never be allowed descend into a fairground attraction and a leader-based cult. Reason informed faith is what we are called to.

Your Correspondent, Finally revealing how similar he is to QMonkey.

So to make sense of the Blogging For Jesus seminar that I am delivering tonight at New Horizon 2008 I thought I would make the powerpoint available and link people to some of the resources I cited and the sites I mentioned. Instead of hand-outs, I thought it appropriate to blog the resources.

Slides:
The slides, should you for some insane reason want to see them again, are available here. Don’t crash our Furiousthinking server on us now.

Sites Mentioned In Seminar
In the course of my talk I mentioned a load of sites including “the most popular blog in the world” BoingBoing, my favourite blog in the world PostSecret, the funniest Christian blog Purgatorio and the beautiful BigPicture.

I mentioned my friends Sam and Jaybercrow and made reference to my pastor’s blog and to my church’s website. I also managed to squash in some compliments for Scott Bailey and plugged a pastor up on the North Coast!

I quoted from Wibsite, Clay Shirkey and the wonderfully offensive Maddox.

I also mentioned my wife’s blog. Which I find amusing.

Setting Up A Blog
I set up a wordpress blog to show how easy it is but you could just as easily use blogger or countless other solutions. This is a useful Irish introduction to what it involves to tinker with a personal blog. It’s a well written technical guide. How rare is that?

Other Resources
If you are interested in church website design then the boys at Church Marketing Sucks and Godbit are useful people to drop in on. If you want to read a little bit about the theology of technology and specifically the idea that it might be need to be de-constructed then Jacques Ellul’s The Technological Society or Marva Dawn’s Powers And Weakness or Alan Borgmann’s Power Failure might be good places to start. Finally, we read The Blogging Church before setting up our church website to make sure we wouldn’t make any basic mistakes.

So it might not make the greatest blog entry and thus break all the rules that I would love to espouse in the actual seminar but should anyone actually show up, hopefully this will be a useful resource.

Your Correspondent, Both his thumbs are opposable

At the end of the week I head off on holidays for a month with Wife-Unit and my two best friends. The King of Canada is meeting us at the airport in Vancouver and then after visiting some of their remote tribes we are traveling south by steamboat to see George III’s American colonies. I hear they know how to fry a large piece of cow meat in the evening and I for one have always wanted to sample that.

Each of our party has been charged with a noble task- produce one cd, of 80 minutes length, that represents our favourite music ever.

This is a serious challenge. I was impressed when my first draft was only 110 minutes long. I had to say goodbye to the original 9 minute long Horses by Patti Smith although it is definitely in my top ten ever songs. Eventually I whittled it down to 20 tracks under the time limit but Europe’s The Final Countdown didn’t make it, sadly.

It’s a very hard task because you are always tempted to make the disc with your friends in mind so that they will like the music and think you cool. I have resisted that temptation and added such white boy favourites as Eminem and U2 on the album without shame.

At least until Betamaxnomates comes home from Japan. Then I will be filled with shame for the predictable mess that is my ultimate disc.

Feel free to sample some of it:

SeeqPod - Playable Search

Your Correspondent, All he can do is dial and yell